My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
