hell yes lets make some ravioli
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
