I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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