I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
