i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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