dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
