She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
bring money and cleavage
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
