So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
