i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
