Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
