I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
