oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
