Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
