dude i'm inner monologue high
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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