i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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