you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
