I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Are we still banned from the library?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
