KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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