Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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