What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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