I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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