I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
