i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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