found the other keg... it's in the tree
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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