New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I use my feet as sexual weapons
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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