Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
