my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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