Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
