Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
