Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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