Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
