my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
