omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
