trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
