My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
