you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
