I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
