are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
