actually, I'm a sock model
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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