Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
