SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
