did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
