I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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