guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
