Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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