You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
