i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
