I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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