After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
