you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
