Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
