So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
