Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
