"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
why do cheetos always look like penises
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
