He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
