so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
