lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
