Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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