i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Small penises have feelings too.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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