i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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