i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
