If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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