you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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